One of many hard truths in life is that birth necessitates death.  Creation of one thing inevitably means sacrifice of another.  A few weeks ago, Cassidy & I attended midwife Rachelle Seliga’s (innatetraditions.com) community class called “Growing your Influence by Slowing Down”.  A panel of birthworkers shared “the beautiful gifts and multiple deaths that our work has required of us; and how Life has shaped us through constant surrender”. 

It was intimate, emotional, and raw-  not to mention radically counter-culture.  The panelists talked about the death of expectations, fears, rigid ideas, certain relationships and sometimes, even core beliefs.  Our modern world tells us we can have it all, do it all, BE it all… if we just hustle and grind hard enough.  At EW, we take a different approach.  We believe if you want to do it all, you won’t do any of it well, so rather, let’s get crystal clear on priorities and then get intentional about a plan. 

If you want to grow a garden, you’re not only going to plant, water, and tend to the seeds, but you’re going to fertilize the soil and pull out weeds– repeatedly, and in equal parts.  Over many seasons.  It’s not just one-and-done.  We conceptualize parenthood in much the same way.  Whatever season you find yourself in right now, I challenge you to ask “what are some things that are holding me back?” Are there weeds that may need to be pruned back or even uprooted? Conversely, where are some areas that may need extra attention and room to grow?

Reflecting on my own lists over the years, I found I needed to let go of comparison (to other moms’ clean houses, to other children’s developmental timelines, to other parents’ work schedules and household divisions of labor).  I needed to let go of my own rigid black-and-white ideas (ie, “good moms exclusively breastfeed, make their own organic baby food, only use cloth diapers, and never put their kids in daycare”).  I needed to give up certain things (facebook, alcohol, unsustainable jobs, certain relationships) that were taking more than they were giving.  Sometimes I needed to remember that I wasn’t giving it up, but I was postponing it for a while (girls nights out, fitting into non-maternity clothes, naps, daily showers, complicated recipes, hot meals). 

Oddly, one of the things that I’ve found most helpful is to prioritize just stopping and sitting. Slowing down.  Being present.  Holding my baby. Choosing to observe and talk to and smell and connect with and read to and touch… even if that meant the pile of laundry grew, or dust bunnies formed on the steps, or texts and calls went unanswered for a while, or the toilet hadn’t been scrubbed in weeks.  The “not doing” was the hardest part for me, but like so many other challenges in life, it’s about a mindset shift and changing our perspective.  It’s about reframing the “not doing” to “I’m choosing to do something else, something far more important and necessary at this moment”.  

By choosing how, when, and where to say no, we’re more free to say yes– to the things that really matter, to the relationships that are most important, and to the life we really want.